Tired of waiting.

Well, m’dears, I snapped. It could be a mental breakdown, or it could be me sensibly getting out of my own way.

With the Delta variant making the rounds, my husband’s business has moved back the “in the office” dates. With the predictions on the horizon it is entirely possible our planned move could get pushed back. One has no idea, everyone is just taking it one second at a time. Maybe absolutely nothing about our plan will change. Maybe the timeline changes. Maybe we won’t move at all. No idea! Realistically it doesn’t really matter. I am not slated to move until summer of 2022, and that is ages away. So no decisions or plan changes need to happen for nearly a year.

However.

Apparently, that notification was the “last straw” and I realized I have spent basically the last two years waiting. Waiting for things to settle, waiting on other people, waiting to have a clue what comes next. And suddenly, I was all done.

DONE.

So! See this key? This is the key to my future immediate happiness.

The space is only mine temporarily. The owner of the building has a renter planning to occupy the space in a couple months. However, in the meantime it is gloriously empty and mine to utilize. I am completely giddy, and I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I have been using my writing skills a lot more, so maybe I will write. Or maybe I will become a paragon of painting productivity. Or maybe I will lay on the floor of the empty room and enjoy the silence away from construction and my family. No idea. No matter where the pendulum swings, it will be totally worth it.

Speaking of writing, I know I mentioned that I have started contributing articles to Fargo INC and Design & Living magazines (and learning a lot more about the magazine publishing process). I don’t know if I mentioned that I was selected to be a member of the Fargo cohort of the Creative Community Leadership Institute (CCLI). It was supposed to take place in 2020, and COVID happened, and now we are participating in a virtual format. Part of the initiative is the resources to do a mini-project. Mine will be writing articles on several of the other cohort members and their projects. It’s an amazing group of people with a wide variety of ideas and I will be able to help share what they are doing by publishing things through The Arts Partnership. I am having a lovely time. There is nothing so restorative as talking to people about things that they are super excited and sparkly about.

Here are links to the magazine articles that have been published so far, if you are interested:

Fargo INC:

Design & Living:

My first article with The Arts Partnership will come out next week.

It really is fun. I get to talk to people about everything from community events to custom ice cream flavors to writing initiatives. I am having a lovely time. Did I mention that? My brain is now popping with ideas and possibilities and it has been a long time since I have been able to say that.

SO!

I am now exploring lots of new directions, and since everything has been so screwy and up in the air anyway, my rule is to not do anything because I “should” do it, but because I “want to” do it. This is, of course, constrained by both reality and finances, but both of those things can be gotten around. I have never really felt reality needed to be too much a part of my life, and there are avenues to make finances stretch. In fact, I just put together an art grant application and submitted it earlier today. I haven’t an idea of whether I will be selected or not, but I certainly hope so because I am SO EXCITED about it. It would take all the things I love doing in a completely new direction. So fingers crossed.

If I am not fortunate enough to be selected, I have multiple other concepts in the queue and you never know what may come flying out.

I am also only going to do things in short bursts. I keep trying to set things up for long-term stability and failing at it. Clearly, that isn’t my thing or I would have managed it by now. The world is continually changing and I have no idea what is next. I might be moving to California eventually, I might not be moving to California ever. I might do the most awesome painting ever one week, and do nothing but read cheesy vampire novels the next. Maybe I will finally put the time into revamping this website. Maybe I will start blogging movie reviews. Maybe I will write the great American novel (this might be the least likely). No idea. So I am going with it. But no more waiting. It is easier to wait, but I don’t think it’s been healthy for me. So this is sort of an accountability post, of sorts.

Speaking of accountability, one painting I absolutely want to work on and am hoping to use the space for is my dying poppy.

It’s been a long time since I have worked on it. I got it to this stage and scared myself. Partially because what I am trying for is more than a little out of my skill zone (stretch goals, baby!) and partially because conditions have not been ideal for a painting when white needs to stay white and painting takes a long time where it is exposed to the elements of my life. So! It’s 50/50 that in working on it I destroy it completely and report to you all in shatters, or that it will be the best thing I have ever painted. No idea. But between bursts of communing with the carpet of my temporary space, I would like to make some progress for my own sake. Because if it does come out a success, I will be so freaking proud of myself—and I’m not selling it (at least right away). I will hang it on my wall and stare at it.  So I am sharing here, because declaring it to the world makes it more likely. Not that I can’t give it up, but it is rather like my the Black Figs painting. I want to do it…it just sorta scares me.

So onward and forward and sideways and we shall see what happens next.



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